Film Review: Rings – Plumbing the Depths on How Shit a Movie Can Be & Still Get Released

Rings is the third movie in The Ring franchise and it's doing its best to be the last by running with the first draft of the script, typos and all. I hated it and so will you. You can stop reading this review now.

If you're still here however, let me tell you about how bad it is. It's a paint by numbers horror movie with cardboard cutout characters and a tired mystery element that tries to build on the lore of the VHS. This isn't normally enough to condemn a horror movie, it's almost a given in fact. However it's light on scares and gives you absolutely nothing to invest in. It leans on being a character driven horror but when the characters are essentially porridge wibble wobbling their way from point A to point B then you're mostly left wondering how long the movie has to go.

Matilda Anna Ingrid Lutz plays the protagonist Julia and she fills the roll of “close enough to being a virgin” backed up by her boyfriend “White dude” who does jack shit at every opportunity.

Star power is leant by Johnny Galecki who plays “the brains”, essentially a boffin-bro who does all the mystery solving. Because let's face it, our two leads are too busy standing around looking perturbed at the jumpscares to do anything else.

The storyline wraps up in a predictable fashion but certain key points are completely confused, so much so that by the end of it I was convinced that there had been a misplaced name in the script somewhere that no one bothered to change. If that isn't the case then they honestly just fucked up.

Our resident professional with an opinion, Matt was equally as unimpressed. “Nothing the characters did made any sense, and half the dialog was confusingly vague for no reason. I feel like the whole movie was created as a joke to see if the writers could make people scream at an umbrella.”

If I used a star system to rate the movie I would remove the 1 stars that other reviewers gave this film just so I could give this movie negative stars. Avoid it at all costs. It's not worth the two hours of your life that you could be busy using to flick snot on the wall.

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About the Author

Izak Flash
Entertainment writer and illustrator. He holds the conch, so he gets to speak. Send him abuse on twitter at @Izak_Flash